America made China an Uke
by Retro-AFC
Summary: Never again will China go into bets with America. How will he ever escape the perverts at school, and Japan and his camera? And Poland is getting bad vibes and thinks that China wants to be a crossdresser with him. Good luck China. You'll need it.
1. China's life must suck right now

**China, I want to give him love. 8D**

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><p>China shifted uncomfortably as he scooted into one of his high school classrooms as his backpack covered his front pelvic and his panda dangled from his butt.<p>

"Haha, China did you wet yourself?" America laughed.

China grinded his teeth.

"You know exactly why I'm like this, aru..." He hissed. He blew a strand of his bangs as it fell onto his face that his cherry hairclip held up, and swung his pigtails back and forth.

"My god, China, your hair is _faboo_!" Poland jumped from his seat and ran over and tackle-hugged him.

And it was revealed.

"C-China..." Korea slowly stood from his seat, his eyes watered, "You're ou-outfit..."

China shoved Poland off of himself and stood up and dusted himself off. Poland ran away giggling like the school-girl he pretended to be. As China stood all the way up, he was in the females school uniform. The red, checkered, itty, bitty, school, skirt.

Korea began to fall over in slow motion as the blood spewed from his nose. He swooned and sighed as he saw the last glimpse of China with the sparkles that surrounded the Chinese boy.

_"My_ dear sweet China girl..."

"SHUT UP, ARU." China stomped over and began to smack the_ Kor_ out of his name with his poor panda as it made panda sounds of agony, "The only reason why I'm wearing this is because of stupid America, aru. He won a bet we had over a liter of ***!"

The teacher walked in and China stopped his rampage and sat down at his own desk.

"Get of the floor 'ea." The teacher said.

South ea got up and painfully sat down at his desk behind China's.

China scooted his desk and chair as close as possible to the one in front of him. it finally made a 'BUMP!" sound and the person in front of him turned around.

T'was France.

France winked and blew a kiss at China and turned around before the teacher spot any 'distraction' in the classroom.

_"That's it."_ China thought, pulling his ink set out, _"His blond hair is going to dye!"_ He gently pulled a strand of France's hair and slowly headed its way to his ink bottle.

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><p>China sat with his arms crossed on the outside of the principals office. "Stupid France, aru." He huffed, "Had to squack like a Jī, aru!"<p>

"China, you may come into the office now." The principal called him in.

The asian grumbled and went into the office.

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><p>"This is a warning, since you are usually such a good student, and not the type to cause trouble, I will let you off for now. But you have had two strikes. Beating up another student, and stirring trouble with another student's ego. One more strike and you're out. You will get <em>it<em>."

China sighed, "Yes m'am, aru." China began to stand up.

"I didn't say you could be excused." The principal folded her hands.

"Sorry, aru." China winced.

"It's fine. I just want to tell you one more thing."

"That is...?"

"You will have to be put under mature supervision."

"AIYAH! Are you kidding, aru?" China huffed, "I am very mature, aru! I-I-I'm the oldest out of every student!" China stomped.

"I can understand that...But you're acting quite foolish. And to make sure you won't get into any trouble, you will have someone help you not get into any. Unless, you really do want to get discipline?"

"No, aru." China grumbled. "Where do I find this...Supervisor?"

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><p>China walked out of the office to find Germany standing in front of the door. China tackled the German.<p>

"WERE YOU LISTENING IN? YOU PERVERTED, ARU! SICK! SICK! SICK!" China pounded on him as he sat straddle on Germany's stomach.

"N-Nein!" Germany yelled, picking up the Chinese man and standing up, "I am your supervisor. Since every teacher here thinks I'm the most responsible, I have to be in charge." He sat him down. "I don't especially like the idea, but it helps alot with my extra-credit."

"Hah! 'Extra credit' he says, aru. Not wanting to 'watch me', aru. Perverted, aru, bastard..." China hissed.

Germany rolled his eyes. "You better not cause me any trouble. Since as your supervisor, I'm the one who has to discipline you myself."

China's face reddened. "F-fine! I'll behave! I-I-I'm just tired today, aru."

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><p>They began to walk to lunch.<p>

China scanned Germany. He had to make sure he wasn't the 'become one' type like the other guys(mostly Russia).

He spotted his right arm was red. "What's with your arm, aru?"

Germany scratched his neck and turned red, "Italy did not like the idea of parting with me. So he grabbed onto my arm and squeezed it as the teachers tried to pry him off. I finally got him off when I threatened he couldn't have pasta."

"Hmph." China nodded, "Little brat."

"Ja. But he's very cute once you look pass the-" Germany cleared his throat. "Are you going to sit with anyone?"

"No." China said, "I guess I'll just sit with you."

Germany nodded and chuckled.

"What's so funny?" China asked.

"Well...Japan will sit at my table and he... He hasn't seen your dress attire yet..."

"AIYAAAAHHHH!" China fell to the ground and rolled into a ball. "I can't go in there, aru! No way, aru!"

Germany looked around as he saw passing countries stare at the scene.

"You're going to starve then." Germany said, "You know the rule. Lunch is in the lunchroom."

China glared, "Fine. I am getting fat, aru."

Germany smiled slyly, "That sounded just like a female's remark."

China stood up, "Acutally, I'M HUNGRY, ARU! I COULD EAT A RUSSIAN."

"Teehee."

China turned around to see Russia standing right behind him.

"Eat me up, cutie, da?" Russia grinned.

China backed up and hid behind Germany.

"Russia..." Germany sighed, "Stop making sexual remarks. I could report you."

"Goody two-shoes." Russia mumbled and glowed purple.

He then walked away after he winked at China.

"Bitch, aru." China said.

Germany massaged his forehead. "If I don't get in there soon, Italy will make life hell for everyone."

"Then what do you suppose you'll do?" China asked.

Germany took off his jacket to reveal is polo that showed _alot_ of his muscular figure.

China began to turn a little red, then shook his head. "No." He told himself.

Germany handed his jacket to him, "put this on. It will cover up your outfit."

China smiled, "T-thank you, aru."

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><p>"GERMAAAANNYYYYYYYYYYYYY" Italy tackled the german walking into the room, "IT WAS AWWWFULL. THE TEACHER MADE ME STAND IN THE CORNER FOR FLINGING MYSELF ON THE FLOOR BECAUSE YOU LEEEFTT MEEEE." Italy wailed.<p>

Germany massaged his temples, "Italy, eat your pasta and shut up."

Italy grinned, "AYE, AYE, SIR! I will never leave your side ever ever ever ever AGAIN!"

So Italy began to nom on his pasta.

China scooted from behind Germany and quickly sat down with a THUMP!

Japan looked up from his rice rolling.

His eyes grew wide. "A-ah! C-China-san...What are you doing here?"

China glared, "Hello, Japan, aru."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Maybe I don't wanna, aru."

"Well maybe I do not want you at my table."

"Maybe I don't want to be here."

"Well maybe you should get up and leave, China-san."

China stood up angrily with his lunch. "THIS IS WHY I CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS." He announced.

He stomped off away from the table.

Japan's eyes widened, "Ah...Germany-kun...?"

"Mm?" Germany grunted as he chewed on his sausage.

"Is China not wearing...pants?" Japan's face was turning very red.

Italy slammed his fists on the table, "Germany! Germany! That's not fair! China is allowed to wear no pants and I get punished if I even dare try?"

"China may not be wearing pants, but he's wearing undergarments. Unlike you, Italy, you want to go to school in the nude."

Italy sloutched and pouted.

"I'm going to have to go after China. China is on arrest." Germany sighed as he put his food back in his container.

"Why?" Japan asked and saw China glaring at him as he sat next to the trashcan.

"I can't tell you." Germany said.

"And is that your jacket he is wearing?"

"Ja, that he is."

"But...Why?"

Germany sighed, "Well...He's-"

"Hey there party peoples!" Poland skipped over to the table, "Do you know where, like, China went?" Poland flipped his hair.

"He's next to the trashcans. Why?" Germany said.

"I wanna, like, ask him to sit at the girls table with me! DUH!"

"B-but...China is not a girl...And neither are you." Japan was now disturbed.

Poland was OFFENDED.

"Like, shuddap. Spain sits at the table ALL THE TIME."

"But that is because the women love him, and he's the only guy that the females do not hate. At least, perverted guy catagory." Japan rubbed his chin.

"So true." Poland giggled, "Anyway, my galfriends want China to sit at the table. HAVE YOU SEEN HIS ADORABLE OUTFIT?"

"W-what outfit?" Japan went from disturbed to terrified.

"O.M.G. You haven't seen it? GASP! Here, let me go get him." Poland ran off screaming really weird phrases as China scooted his rump backwards in terror.

"His hair is a little different..." Japan mumbled, "It's kawaii."

Poland soon dragged China over to Japan. "SEE?"

"The jacket?" Japan blinked.

"You sicko, aru. Asshole." China hacked at Japan.

Poland ripped off the jacket.

Japan ripped his camera out and took a few shots in three seconds and no one knew what happened.

He then went into his shy phase. "A-ah...C-China...Why-"

"Ask America, aru." China huffed.

America skipped over and laughed, "Aww, Japan, don't you love the outfit?"

"SHUT UP ASS." China screamed.

"And he has to dress as a chick for a whole month! He's so cute!~" America chuckled and then ran away before China could leash out the fury of his Shinatty-Chan plushie he was cuddling for comfort.

"C'mon!" Poland dragged China.

"China moaned. "Just for a month." China told himself.

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><p>"OH CHINA YOU LOOK SO CUTE!" Taiwan squealed, "Did Japan see you yet?"<p>

"He totally did!" Poland said before China could say anything, "China is totally like, sitting with us!"

"Well China, you're welcome with open arms!" Hungary said. "Perhaps sexual tension will grow between Japan and you."

China looked horrified, "What-"

"NOTHING!" Hungary sat down and giggled.

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><p>China found the girls table to be really nice. They gave you nice food, they told recent gossip, and they also gave really cool fashion tips!<p>

Maybe being a female for a month was too bad.

But of course then Hong Kong saw China and grinned and called him 'mom'. and then got England. England then ran away being the tsundere he was.

"Bye mom." Hong Kong smirked and walked away with Iceland, and Iceland chuckled and said something about 'getting Norway to dress as a female because Norway has a very feminine body'. And Denmark being the pervert he was came over and said that was a beautiful idea. But Norway too was following watching out for his younger brother and beat Denmark into next year.

Sealand ran over to Sweden and told about how they should get Finland to dress up in a pretty dress. But Sweden said in his swedish accent that Finland is beautiful just the way he is, and Finland freaked out asking him what he meant by that.

But China then decided that being a female was very bad. For China's next school period was swimming.

America then handed China a bikini.

"Fuck you."

China stomped away to the dressing room.

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><p><strong>Review THEY FEED ME! FEEEEEED THIS STARVING CHILD.<strong>

**Germany: -_- You just ate everything in my fridge.**

**Italy: YOU ATE MY PASTA. MEANIE.**

**Pfft. whateva.**

**REVIEW**


	2. Swimming time!

**What am I doing continuing? Pffft.**

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><p>"YOU CAN'T MAKE MEEEE, ARUUUUU!" China flailed around in Germany's arms as he carried him to the pool.<p>

"Mein Gott, you're worse then, Italy, and THAT is saying something." Germany huffed, he was very red faced, it was very awkward carrying a man in a bikini-in fact, it's much worse then carrying a nude Italian back in the house.(That's enjoyment.)

"Germanyyyyyy, my floaties are broke-ed!" Italy ran over with arm floaties with huge holes in them.

Germany sighed, "Broke-ed is not a word, and how did they pop _this_ time?"

Italy twiddled his thumbs, "Uhh, maybe some meanie popped them-Oh well! You'll'a have to help me swim again, instead of that scary swimming coach!"

Germany rolled his eyes, "One moment." Still carrying China, he went over to the coach. Italy couldn't tell what Germany was saying to the swim coach, but the coach rolled his eyes and walked over to the pool closet. He then went and pulled a weird thing that looked almost like weights-two round things at each end of a bar. Germany took it from the coach with a free hand and walked back over to Italy.

"This will help you swim." Germany said, as he handed it over.

He then walked away-still carrying China.

Italy glared at the object, "You just wait you evil thing...I'll find a way to break you, then I will be able to have my precious Mr. Germany, all. To. My. Self." He stuck his tongue out and walked towards the shallow end of the pool.

Meanwhile, Germany was at the deep end.

"The fuck are you doing over here, aru?" China asked, soon giving into the fact that he was getting carried around like a princess.

Germany's mouth curled, "China..."

"What, aru?"

"This hurts me, more then it does you."

China looked horrified, "What-"

_SPLOOOOOSH!_

China bobbed his head up and gapsed, "YOU ASSHOLE, ARU!" He cried.

Germany shook his head and chuckled being very pleased with himself. But he soon noticed Italy was going to try diving from the high board carrying the pool floating thing-(AUTHOR DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS CALLED.) and ran over yelled and swearing in German.

"Heeeyyy! China! How's the swimsuit working out for you?" America called.

China glared and went under the water.

"Hah, poo-poo head." America chuckled, he then did a cannon ball into the pool and almost crushed China by a teeny weeny inch.

China went up the same time America did, "Are you TRYING to kill me, aru?" He yelled.

"Hey...China...I was thinking...Could I borrow some money-"

"No, aru. Fuck off, aru." China splashed him and swam away.

"Pssh, drama queen." America began to practice.

"Has anyone seen Denmark?" The coach yelled.

"He's in next year!" Norway called back to him.

"Okay! That's good to hear!" The coach then started class.

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><p>Free swim came. Most people left and some people came in just so they could swim before they went home.<p>

China tried to hide away from everyone but they just kept coming up to him.

Like South ea tried gropping China in the pool after he did the Jaws theme first, England still tsundere'd, China got crushed by Ukraine's boobies who was swimming away crying after someone commented on her cup size, Poland asked if China and him could swap bathing suits sometimes, and Hong Kong and Taiwan decided they'd do this thing called 'tiki sacrifice', where one person grabs China's arms and the other grabs his leg's and they swing him back and forth above the ground until they swing him into the pool.

China hated his family. Including the fact that he kept seeing flashes in his face and didn't figure out that it was Japan's camera.

China was just glad he could finally swim quietly away from people who would want to talk to him.

"Come on, Austria!"

Hungary tugged on Austria who sat curled up in a ball on the ground.

"No." Austria growled.

"Swimming is easy! Don't worry, I'll help you!" Hungary told him. But Austria still shook his head.

Prusisa, who was hanging out with Spain complaining about how suckish it is that France left school because of his damn hair, saw the scene happening. He grinned evilly and ran over.

"What? Can Bitchthoven not swim?" Prussia laughed.

"Fuck off, Prussia, Or I will stick the diving board up your-"

"No I can't swim." Austria sighed, "And do not take Beethoven's name in vain."

"Aww, don't be a pussy, Austria. Literally, don't be a pussy cat, 'cause you know...they hate water-NEVERMIND. I AM AWESOME." Prussia laughed.

Spain laughed along, "Yeah! Yeah! And cat's they-"

"Shut up, Spain. I'm the one who talks in the trio. You're the sexy silent one that only says two words and giggles." Prussia told Spain.

"Oh." Spain nodded solemnly, "OKAY!" He giggled and ran off to find his phone to text Romano.(Romano was sick, so he could not join us today. Sadness.)

"Anyway, Austria, Come on! Please!" Hungary begged.

"No. I am not going in, I told you!" Austria yelled.

Prussia, having those 'it was a good idea at the time' moments, shoved Austria into the pool-in the deep end.

Hungary went wide-eyed. "Prussia! What the hell!" She cried.

"He'll pop up. Don't worry." Prussia laughed, "Awesomeness isn't only awesome, awesomeness knows everything."

China was still swimming in the deep end, and saw Austria sink to the bottom-So he took action, he dived under.

China's eyes burned in the chlorine, but he didn't want Austria to drown. He wanted to help him like he wanted to help Japan when-

He pulled Austria to the surface and pulled him to the shallow end and Hungary jumped in and helped carry him out of the pool.

"Austria inhaled Chlorine." China said.

Hungary shook her head, "I-I can't do CPR that well-"

"OUT OF THE WAY!"

They turned around and saw Switzerland dashing over. Right, he was the lifegaurd. Took him long enough. Good lord.

Switzerland began to perform CPR on Austria. Hungary shook her perverted thoughts out when he did mouth-to-mouth with him. Soon enough, Austria began to hack out water and breathe.

Prussia stood over them and bit his lip. "A-are you okay, Austria?" He asked, "I ask for you to accept my apology...I-I'm sorry-"

"It's fine..." Austria said quietly, "But I never want to go swimming ever again."

Hungary looked very disappointed but nodded, "I'll go get you a towel." She ran off.

"Thanks for saving me, Switzerland." Austria said.

Switzerland chuckled, "I usually am, but China was the one you need to thank. If he didn't get you fast enough you could be- Well, I just did CPR." He stood up and walked away.

"Well, thank you, China." Austria smiled.

China tugged on his own hair modestly, "It was nothing, aru...Er, you're welcome."

"I'd love for you to come to one of my piano concerts." Austria said then stood up perfectly fine and went over to Hungary with a towel.

"Was that suppose to be a reward, aru?" China asked himself, "Lame, aru." He then went and got dressed in normal clothes.

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><p><strong>Short crappy chapter is short and crappy. REVIEW! I WANT MY FOOD.<strong>

**America: Naw way! You ate my cheeseburger and stole my happy meal toy!**

**IT WAS MY LITTLE PONY YOU RETARD. I LOVE MY LITTLE PONY. SO GO AWAY AMERICA.**

**Poland: OHMYGAWD. GIMMIE.**

**NOOO**

***ehem***

**Review!**


	3. America's weird, Poland is Poland & meow

**It gives me great joy to see people enjoy my story ;;_;; Come here and let auntie AFC love you~~**

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><p>China peacefully slept that morning in his bed naked, because America is even forcing him to dress as a girl outside of school! And he gave him this really seriously frilly nightgown, China checked the tag and with as much English as he could read, he read 'America's girl'. (Actually, it's American Girl*. But China can't read English very well, so...)<p>

"THE FICKLE, ARU?" China yelled, "Is that creep hitting on me?"

So China didn't wear the clothes and that is why he is naked.

Then his Shinatty alarm clock went off.

"Wake up whor-gorgeous! Time to start a fuc-fun day!~" It sang.

China yawned and sat up. He moaned as he saw a paper slid underneath his dorm door.

The note said:

_Open the door._

China forgot the fact he was naked and went and opened the door.

A package.

But why is there crayon markings all over it?

China squinted his eyes, "from america...with...love? OH for the love of the fried rice!" He yelled.

"Someone woke up grouchy this morning~"

China looked around, "Wha-"

Russia opened the door across from China's.

"Showing your body just for me, da?" Russia asked.

"What are you-" China then realized it, "AIYAAAH!" He slammed the door.

"Thatwassoembarrassing! I never wanna show my face out in publice again, aru!" He slid against the door holding the package.

But out of curiousity, he tried the outfit on.

It was the same uniform, but much tighter on his waste so now he had hips.

"Bastard, aru." China grumbled.

_Knock! Knock!_

"GO AWAY, ARU." China yelled.

"What? Like, that is so totally mean!"

Poland.

China rolled his eyes and went and opened the door.

"Heya gal'friend!" Poland huggled China.

China went stiff, "I am not a gir, aru."

"Sure you are! Like, you are one of us now!"

"One of who, aru?"

"The girls!" Poland exclaimed, "I always thought you would look perfect as a girl, my wish came true! Thank you lucky star!~" He giggled and flipped his hair. But soon, he gasped, "YOUR HAIR IS AWFUL!"

"I love my hair, aru." China growled, "It's who I am, aru."

Poland tsk'ed at him, "I'm going to work on you! You are not yet what your goal is, so I'm going to make you reach it!"

China looked terrified, "What-"

Poland walked himself in and tugged China behind him.

Then some weird musical began to happen and Poland began to sing; but I really do not want to write lyrics, so he's gonna talk.

Poland put China in a spinny chair next to his desk and pulled out a makeup kit out of a vintage My Little Pony backpack.

"Let's turn this sows ear, into a silk purse!" Poland sang.

"Oh god, you are singing Mulan, aru?" China groaned.

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><p>China couldn't feel his face, and it was heavy. And he couldn't even walk either. Poland gave China an extra pair of his shoes, even though China had very small deformed feet, (When small feet was the fashion for girls awhile ago started kicking off, he wanted to try it out in curiousity. Worst mistake.) the shoes were sparkly glitter and it aggitated him. And his hair! Pfft! Poland pulled out a curling iron and now he had super curly pigtails. He just couldn't wait for this month to be over.<p>

"This is just a sample!" Poland exclaimed as he linked his arm with China's arm-that was..a stiff noodle, "After school we are totally going SHOPPING!"

"Aiyaaah! No way, aru!" China refused.

"Yes way!"

As they were crossing the street they still argued ignoring the fact that Greece was riding his bike right towards them with a basket full of kitten.

"Whoaaa, out of the way, ladies..." Greece said nonchalantly, "I almost ran you over."

Poland giggled.

China scoffed, "What are you doing with a basket full of cats, aru? I thought the principal told you you couldn't bring them to school anymore, aru?"

"She did, sadly." Greece sighed, "But I'm taking these kittens down to my dorm room. I found them in a sack sinking in the lake, isn't that terrible?" Greece was on the verge of tears.

China, who would usually eat them, or-nevermind- was actually feeling very sorry for the kittens.

"I'll have to find a way to feed them, my budget is very tight since I have other cats as well." Greece petted the kittens who meowed in the basket, "I also need to find out who almost killed these kittens. I need to rape them."

"WHAT, ARU?" China looked terrified.

"Goodbye." Greece bicycled off and singing his theme song, 'Can't Hug Every Cat'.

Poland was crying, "Like, is my mascara and eyeliner like, totally running?"

"Yes, aru." China told him.

Poland screamed in terror and pulled out his mirror and quickly fixed his makeup.

China groaned, "I don't want to be late for school."

"NOO, wait up!" Poland chased after him.

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><p>Somehow, Greece got to school before China and Poland, and was telling Japan about the horrible event. Japan offered politely to take some cats off his hand(he really didn't want to, he heard about cats breaking electronics, and Japan had alot of expensive electronics that he couldn't let get destroyed.), but Greece gave Japan a look that read, 'Are you saying I'm a terrible father to my cats?' and Greece walked away angrily. Japan was very confused and felt dishonor on himself and then went to punish himself. And that is sitting in the corner like an emo.<p>

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><p><strong>This chapter is shorter than the last one. 0_0 Sowwy, don't worry! I will go longer! :] B-but my updates being quick are epic and nice, riiight?<strong>

**Review!**

**China: Do not review this child's fiction, aru! Look what she is doing to mee, aru!**

**psshhh. Whateva. REVIEW! DEY LIKE IT.**


	4. New Year, same bet and WHAT

**I /was/ writing this last year, but got lazy, Iz sorry... D: So let's pretend it's still 'new years'**

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><p>"I'm not coming to your New Years party, aru!" China yelled at America who had tried inviting him.<p>

China hoped everyone would get his point when he says he's not.

Hahaha,-nope.

Poland came and knocked him out by chucking a Barbie at the back of his head, then putting him in the trunk of his pink buggie and drove him to the party.

"China, wake up!" Poland shook the crossedressed man and ripped the bag off his head.

China groggily opened his eyes, "I feel like the butt of a knife hit the back of my head, aru..." China groaned, and then,-he realized, "WHAT THE HELL YOU SON OF A-"

"Noo, just call me a bitch!" Poland whined and pulled China from the trunk. "I got you dressed up for the occasion, so don't worry! Don't freak!"

China freaked.

He was wearing a hot pink strapless short dress with a poofy rim.

"I kinda had to stuff you in a padded strapless bra, 'cause that dress was falling off of you." Poland giggled, "I wanted to wear that dress, but it fits you soo much better!" Poland continued to giggle and move his hand up and down up China's dress and China tried to slap away the giggly schoolboy, "besides, it has Hello Kitty on it!" He pulled up the bottom of the dress and it had one spot with Hello Kitty blowing a kiss.

China loved the dress.

"J-just this once, aru!" China growled, "I am never letting you dress me up again, aru!" He blushed.

"Never say never!" Poland sang, "Omgs, J.B FOREVA!"

"I KNOW RIGHT!" America yelled from the window of his house, he then wolf whistled, "LOVE THE DRESS CHINA! YOU LOOK SEXY WITH THOSE LEGS!"

China began to stomp over but then fell onto his face.

"Oh, yah, you need to practice your high heel walk!" Poland said and helped the older boy up, "you have to have more hip action. But you're not ready for it, so you can throw your highs off when we get in!"

China was getting sick and tired of Poland being a girly freakazoid.

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><p>When they entered the room, a flying roll of toilet paper hit China right in the face.<p>

"OHMYGOD I HIT A CHICK." Prussia screamed. He ran over and ripped the toilet paper off China's face. "Oh. It's China." He blinked a few times and looked him over. Then got a huge grin on his face, "I knew you were a girl!" He laughed and yelled how awesome he was for being right and then getting tackled by France and Spain. Before China could say anything, he was picked up by America, "The couch is that-a-way!" America said and laughed.

"WHAT THE HELL PUT ME DOWN, ARU." China screamed in horror and began to kick around trying as hard as possible not for his dress to fly up on his flailing.

"No way!" America protested. "It's New Years Eve, and when it turns 12 o'clock I plan on kissing someone, and since France already has England-even though he SHOULD'VE been mine-I'll just have you, and now one else can!"

"SAY THAT AGAIN AND I'LL KILL YOU."

America turned and saw Korea(He got his name back) stood in the doorway with sunglasses, he ripped them off and threw them on the ground. "No one can have China and his boobs besides _me_."

"Ohhhh, tough guy, eh?" America dropped China figuring he had a time to show how amazing he was and getting in a fight with the Korean.

China found that time to escape into a quieter room. He went down some stairs into America's basement and found some guys playing video games-One of them being Japan.

China didn't realize that and hurried and sat next to him trying to make himself looking occupied and taken just in case any other pervs come around.

Japan didn't glance over because he was too busy playing Mario Kart against Germany, Switzerland, and Sweden.

"I wanted to play Animal Crossing." Italy pouted as he watched and hoped for his Germany to win.

"I WILL SHOOT THE SCREEN." Switzerland shouted when Japan being swift with his video game skills had just threw a turtle shell at him and left banana peels everywhere.

"Can I drive?" Italy asked Germany.

"Be quiet, Italy, I'm trying to at least get second place." Germany growled.

"This is for my wife." Sweden said and turned his kart into a missle.

Finland, who was also watching shifted uncomfortably away from Sweden on the couch, but Sweden slid towards him.

"Hi, aru." China said.

None of them answered, but he didn't mind, so he began to take off his high heels.

"YES." Japan jumped up and shouted. Usually, Japan is very quiet, but when it comes to his games. Nope.

When he sat back down, he sat on China.

He quickly stood back up and saw what he sat on, and quickly began to apologize.

"Ah! I'm sorry, China!" Japan said.

China smirked and snorted, "If you wanted to sit on my lap you could've just told me, you know, aru."

Japan blushed wildly and glared, "In that dress? No thank you, _Mistress_." He smirked and found a open space next to Sweden, since he was pretty much on top of Finland. Finland wasn't getting squished or anything, but he just found this very, _very_ awkward.

"I love you." Sweden said.

Finland gave an awkward chuckle and put a pillow in front of his face so in case Swden decides to do something hasty.

"I'm tired." Italy complained and jumped on Germany's lap trying to get his attention.

Germany blushed and glared down at the small man, "And what do you want me to do about that? This is your fault you're the one who begged to come to this party, even though I knew you would fall asleep-"

"Hold me!" Italy cuddled Germany.

Germany just sighed and gave in, and did what he said.(not like he would give a fight)

* * *

><p>11:20 P.M<p>

"Heyyy!" Poland came skipping over and jumped onto the couch in the basement next to China.

More people came down to the basement and decided they'd all watch a movie.

So they all decided on 'Enchanted'.

_'that's how you knooooooow'_

_'he's your loooooooooove!'_

China turned his head away from the dancing singing people and to Poland.

"What do you want, aru?" China asked.

"SHHHHH" the others said.

"What do you want, aru?" China whispered annoyed.

"Have you picked out who you're gonna kiss?" Poland whispered back, cupping his hands.

"Yeah, aru. I have, aru."

"Who?"

"NO ONE, ARU." He then shouted.

"SHHHHHUUUSSSHHHH" Denmark hissed, "This is one of my freakin favorite movies and I don't want you to ruin it!"

"Sit down you retard." Norway groaned.

Denmark sat back down and cuddled. Norway knew he could pry him off, so he just submitted.

Poland dragged China out and into one of the empty rooms that wasn't filled with people kissing.

"Whaddya mean? You _have_ to kiss someone! It's the law!" Poland shouted.

China rolled his eyes, "I refuse this, aru! I won't go with this, aru! As soon as that clock strikes midnight I'm-"

"You'll turn back into a pumpkin?" Poland pouted, "Your old self."

"Exactly, aru." China nodded happily.

Poland sighed, "Well this sucks."

China laughed and walked out of the room.

* * *

><p>Poland sat sadly at 11:51 by himself and nommed on cookies.<p>

"Heeey, what's your problem?" America asked, sitting down next to him drinking some alchohol.

"China, like, totally won't be my bff anymore after midnight. I'm sooo sad..." Poland sniffled.

"Wha-"

"You stupid head, you should've made him dress as a girl for like, forever!"

America smirked, "Unless he kisses me."

"What the flip, what do you-"

"Every girl has to go through one kiss in their life, right?"

"Yeah-"

"If he doesn't kiss me he won't ever be a guy again."

"But how does that affect the-"

"I never said a month, I said it could take up to a month."

"Ohhhhh myyyy gaawwwd. You sly dog!" Poland giggled and slapped America on the arm.

America laughed along.

"So are you kissing someone-"

"I'm taken." Poland said and got up and walked away.

America sighed and took another shot of his drink.

* * *

><p>11:59<p>

Everyone gather around the TV set as the big New Years ball was preparing to explode.

"40 SECONDS TILL 2012!" the man on TV shouted.

China started to see purple aura around himself, he slowly turned his head and saw the worst person right behind him.

"You look very lonely, da?" Russia asked.

"No, aru." China replied quickly, wishing he had a chance to run.

"You shall be one with me at midnite tonight and it shall be wonderful." Russia said putting a firm hand on his shoulder.

China whined and turned his head back to the screen.

"15 SECONDS!"

"_Oh no, aru."_ China groaned.

_10!_

_"let's get this over with, aru."_

_9!_

_"As soon as New years comes i'm done being a girl, aru."_

_8!_

_7!_

_6!_

_5!_

_4!_

_3!_

_2!_

_1!_

China was knocked over onto the floor and kissed.

China was somewhat liking it, but he would've thought Russia would smell like a sunflower field-not that he's smelled him or anything...

Not like Soki.

He opened his and Japan was on top of him.

China's eyes went huge and now in total trauma shock.

Russia was behind Japan and was 'kolkolkoling' as his sister Belarus was latched onto him moaning, "Oh big brother~"

Japan stood up with a smirk and licked his lips and walked away.

China passed out.

This is why he _hated_ parties.

* * *

><p><strong>GUESS WHAT'S COMING NEEEXT<strong>

**THAT'S RIGHT**

**VALENTINES! **

**AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**

**Poland: REVIEW PLEASE IT'S HEALTHY FOR YOU OR ELSE YOU WILL BE CURSED FOR LIKE 7 YEARS UNLESS YOU REVIEW SO REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**


	5. Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide

_In a highschool full of bullies, insane teachers, and gross school lunches,_

_Netherlands, that's me, and my two best friends try to do the impossible, to create a guide to help you on how to survive school..._

_Ned's Declassified school survival guide_

_part 1_

* * *

><p>"What the fuck just happened, aru." China asked as he looked at the sentence above his head.<p>

"I don't know." Poland said, "Pretty sure the author just turned this into a parody chapter."

"Fuck you, author, aru." China held up a middle finger.

**Love you babe.** Author giggled.

* * *

><p>China sat stressed out as he looked at what his assignment for American History. "Why the hell do I have to write a paper on America, aru?"<p>

America peeked over his shoulder, "I could you you, I know all about my history-"

"Shut up, aru." China growled, "I want to do this by myself-I don't need anyones help, aru."

So China went to the library and began to look up books for his study.

Poland came skipping into the library to see if his order on the second book of the Hunger Games has been in yet, but then he saw China, "LIKE, HEY, CHINA-"

"SHHH" Everyone in the library hushed him.

"Like, for reals sorry!" Poland flipped his hair and stomped over to China. "Hiya!"

China ignored the boy and continued with his research, "Look at all this ridiculous, aru." he muttered to himself.

Poland found this annoying and poked China. "I said hello!"

China continued to ignore him.

Poland had had enough, "CHINA FUCKING SAY HI!"

The librarian growled and stomped over as she held onto her Hunger Games book.

"I would like to ask you to leave, you are being very disruptive to everyone in this librar-"

"OH MY ALMIGHTY BARBIE." Poland shrieked. "You're the one hoarding onto the second book of the Hunger Games!"

"And I'm not done!" The librarian sneered. "And in fact, I'm rereading it! Hah!"

"You stupid bitch!" Poland jumped over the table and attacked her.

* * *

><p>"You got me banned from the library for trying to pull you off of the librarian, aru. I didn't know you were beating her that badly to get her sent to the hospital, aru." China growled angrily. "Now what the hell am I supposed to do before sixth period, aru?"<p>

"The good news," Poland said, "I got my book!" He said holding the book up proudly.

"You disgust me." China growled.

"Well whatever." Poland cleared his throat, "I have like, a source to like, help you out with your studying problem."

"I'm not asking America to tell me his whole life story, aru."

"Noo! I wouldn't make you talk to some asshole, you're my best friend! Well-besides Lithuania, but like, he doesn't LOVE the same things I do like you do, silly-"

"The studying problem, aru?" China interupted.

"Oh right!" Poland giggled, "He has all the tips on how to survive school issues."

"Who's he, aru? As long as I don't have to sell my body, I'm fine with anything else, aru."

"His name is Ned."

* * *

><p>The Netherlands wasin the computer lab looking up pictures of bunnies when China came in. "Netherlands-"<p>

Netherlands spinned around in the spinning chair, and then spun around a couple of more times until he finally stopped, "Sorry. I just really love these chairs."

"It seems like fun..." China chuckled.

"Let me guess, you have either come here for weed or school tips. Which one?"

China lowered his head and whispered, "I thought bringing weed to school is illegal, aru."

"It is."

China lifted his head away and cleared his throat. "But that-that's n-not what I'm here for, I'm here to ask you about your guide-"

Netherlands whipped out a notebook out of his scarf faster than you could say 'hop'.

"Okay, let's see, tips for girls like you-"

"I'm a man, aru." China said.

Ned looked up at him and blinked a couple of times with an unfazed look and returned to flipping through the notebook.

"I don't think I have anything on helping guys who like guys, but I think I can add that in here, but you'll have to wait awhile-"

"No!" China shouted red faced.

Everyone in the computer lab turned their heads at the two.

"I-I mean to say-" China cleared his throat, "I need help with a studying problem, aru."

"No worries." Netherlands said, "Were you just given an assignment today by your teacher for American History and you must have it done my sixth period because your teacher is a lazy ass who probably won't grade it until two weeks from now."

"Y-yes..."

"And you were kicked out of the library by an obnoxious aqquantaince of yours?"

"Y-yes-How do you know...?"

"Same thing happened to me," Netherlands said, "Plus you can't really not hear about what happened to you, I mean, the librarian was sent to the hospital after suffocation. News gets around."

"true, true, aru." China agreed.

"But don't worry, I've got your back." Ned said as he flipped open his notebook. "Okay, this is how it's gonna play down:"

* * *

><p>"Okay, I'll grade it later." The teacher shooed China away.<p>

When the teacher turned his back China gave him the middle finger(**Hey just like he did to me!**).

America waited behind the door, "Soo, how'd it go?" He asked.

"Go away, aru. Go. Away." China said as he went to his locker and gathered his things to go home.

America pouted, "I just want to know what you said about me."

"I said the obvious. My assignment was to sum up America on one page, aru."

"And?"

"America is a land of the free, but he's a dick."

"..."

"I'm so getting an A+, aru."

* * *

><p><strong>There will be more of Ned in the future. 8v<strong>

**REVIEW **

**LITTLE CHILDREN**

**REVIEW**


	6. Aru really going to ignore me?

**So it has come to my attention that China is annoying when:**

"ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU-"

It was during the middle of a lecture and no one knew what had happened, China all of a sudden snapped and wouldn't stop saying, 'aru'.

"ARUUUUUU-" China howled.

"Oh my god stop it! My poor little ears just can't handle it!" Poland cried out holding his ears in dramatic anguish.

The teacher even had to run out of the class(sobbing, mind you) because he didn't know what to do with this situation.

"ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU, ARU-"

No one could leave the classroom because no matter where you were it soundly and clearly was heard anywhere you went. In the hallways in the classrooms, everyone was scrunched into little balls on the floor or on chairs and tables.

Then suddenly, Japan slammed the classroom door open and ran over to China's side. He whipped out a pair of headphones and smashed them down onto China's head while the earphones were blasting, _"HELLO SHINATTY, PLAY WITH US TODAY~"_

Japan had hoped that would stop the ARU mayhem but sadly he continued on shouting things like a broken robot. That's when suddenly Japan got an idea. He dramatically raised his hand into the air, extended his pointer, and charged it towards China's nose gently tapping it.

"Boop." Japan said softly.

China said his last aru and stared blankly forward, he then heard Hello Shinatty songs playing in his ears and his eyelids became very heavy and they slowly began to close. His head began to tip over and he got closer to falling face forward onto his desk, so Japan pulled out a panda plushie and slid it underneath the sleepy China and he plummeted into it softly giving out soft muffled moans of happiness.

Japan then stood up and wrapped a fluffy Hello Shinatty blanket around the Chinese boy and China fell asleep.

Everyone stared in horror and slowly removed their hands from their ears and stared at Japan in awe and mouths gaped.

Poland began to spazz, "Oh my go-"

"SHH" Japan hushed putting a finger on Poland's lips. Poland giggled and covered his face blushing like a high school girl. Japan walked to the front and stood next to the door and turned around to look at blinking class.

"Everyone," Japan said, "I have stopped the holocaust, so now there is no longer any fire in your ears. Please proceed with your studies and have a wonderful day." The black-haired boy bowed and left the classroom.

* * *

><p>As soon as China awoke everyone stayed away from him afraid he might explode again. He shrugged and walked down the hall clutching his plushie and the blanket wrapped around him. "Did I sleep in class today?" China sighed, "I'm going to get detention won't I?"<p>

He trudged to his locker and everyone near it rushed away whispering things about him and then hushing each other for suggesting anything that might upset him.

"I wonder what is with everyone today." China said to himself. "This is unusual, no one is all over me, no one tugging on my skirt, lifting my shirt, wanting me to bitch slap them for trying to touch Shinatty.

He then had a smile form on his face. "That means I don't have to socialize." He giggled.

China went into the busy cafeteria and it all went dead silent. All eyes were on him, "What?" China spat, "You got something to say to me, fools?" Everyone quickly looked back at their foods and ate quickly trying to finish as soon as possible to leave.

China went and sat at a table that was in the corner and was dark and gloomy. It was rumored that the table was haunted or cursed or something. China just thought it was a table that someone had sex on one time so everyone worried they'd get pregnate by the ghosts who had sex.

"Luckily for me, I am a man." China said proudly.

He sat at the table and pulled out his lunch, he heard muffling sounds and he looked up at his table, there was a lunchbox.

"What the hell.." China could've sworn that wasn't there a second ago. He slowly took a bite of the sandwich trying to keep an eye on the lunchbox.

_"China, ghosts are not real!"_

He told himself over an over again, but still a weird sense was in the air about this.

"HEY!"

China quickly turned his head over to the shout and saw Italy standing on a chair waving his arms frantically at China and shouted, "Why are you sitting all the way over there?!"

"Shush, Italy!" Germany scolded and lifted him off the chair, "Sit down properly and eat your food!"

"But Germany, China doesn't like me!" Italy wailed.

"Well no one likes China right now!" Germany said in a raspy hushed tone. China heard him.

He didn't know why but he felt sincerely hurt by this. Had he lost his friends? Japan was just looking at him over his IPad doodling something with a sincere disappointed look.

Even the girls table was huddled around gossiping-about him.

Poland was the loudest, "Oh my GOD! Can you believe what he did? Such a LOSER!"

China knew Poland was one loser to talk, but what happened? He couldn't remember. Is it because he slept in class? But everyone does that!

He slunked in his chair feeling the urge to cry but held it in, wiping at his eyes with his overgrown sleeve. That was when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

He turned to the side he was tapped and didn't see anyone. That made him feel worse. "Someone is trying to pull pranks on me, are they?" He whimpered and sniffled. Then the waterworks broke and he began to sob. He put his head down into the table and cried. Why was he sad? Shouldn't he not care everyone was avoiding him? But what was this feeling?

_"Don't cry China..."_

"No. E-everyone hates me..I-I'm a fucking freak..." China sobbed.

_"No you aren't...I don't hate you..."_

China looked up seeing who was whispering compassion on him, and saw no one.

He began to think he was going crazy when all of a sudden, he realized a sandwich was floating in midair!

While the sandwich floated, a bite was taken out of it. China shouted curses that would make this story MA, and fell backwards in his seat.

"_Don't shout that language...I don't like it.."_

China slowly got back up in his seat and squinted his eyes. Then suddenly, a figure was beginning to form. A head, a face, hair, neck, arms, chest, torso.

"W-who are you?" China stuttered.

_"I'm Canada." _The figure beamed.

* * *

><p><strong>SO THIS WAS MY STORY OF GETTING RID OF THE ARU<strong>

**and also, Canada befriends China! **

**Will China's popularity go back up? Or will China just have to settle being alone in his drags?**

**Review!**


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